Why I'm a Lawyer Instead of a Doctor

I suppose there are many reasons why I'm a lawyer instead of a doctor, not the least of which is that I always hated Science subjects in school.  One of the biggest reasons, however, is that I cannot stand blood and needles.  This is also one of the many reasons why I'm not a heroin addict, I suppose.

I spent last night at the hospital with my grandfather, who is having some heart/lung issues.  I was not naive enough to think that I'd actually get a good night's sleep at the hospital, but I expected to get a little more than a couple of hours (in 10-15 minute increments).  Of course, Pappaw was tossing, turning, coughing, and having trouble breathing all night (such is the nature of his ailments); and I was constantly up checking to make sure it was just "regular" coughing and trouble breathing and not something more.  Then various other circumstances came together to make sure his rare peaceful-sleeping occasions didn't last too long.

First, right after he went to bed, the stupid floor polishing machine started up and was making passes up and down the hallway.  Pappaw is virtually deaf, but that stupid machine was loud enough to wake him up.  He got up every couple of hours after that to use the bathroom, and immediately after one such bathroom break (around 1:00), one of his nurses came in to check his vital signs.  I appreciated that she came then instead of a half hour later when he would've been back asleep.  I appreciated it even more when she said, "You know, since he's awake, I'm going to go ahead and check his weight.  They've got a weight check scheduled for 3:00, and if I do it now I won't have to wake him up then."  Very nice of her, but you have to wonder who in the hell schedules a weight check, which requires the patient to get out of bed and stand on a scale, for 3:00 AM?  Could it not just as easily be done at 8:00 PM or 7:00 AM?  Is his weight really going to change that much in the middle of the night?  How bizarre is that?

It turns out she could've done the weight check just as well at 3:00, though, because at 2:45 he had another coughing fit.  When I got up to check on him, I noticed a spot of blood on his sheet.  I thought maybe he was having a nosebleed due to his nose being dried out from the oxygen he's been wearing.  When I turned the lights on to check, I noticed several other spots, so I was scared that he might be coughing up blood.  While investigating further, I noticed that new spots kept appearing and that he was no longer coughing.  I then realized that the IV port thingy they had put in his hand had come loose and was basically gushing blood everywhere.

I'm literally about to throw up as I type this.  I can't even stand the thought of blood and needles, much less the sight of them.  So I'm frantically pushing the nurse call button while trying to get paper towels around Pappaw's hand (not that I could apply pressure because the freaking IV port thing was still stuck there, and asking me to push something with a needle in it against skin is like asking me to stab myself in the eye - but I had to cover it up somehow!).  The "call guy" asked how he could help me, and I basically told him there was blood everywhere and we needed someone right away.  He then says, "Okay, is there anything else you need?"  Umm, maybe a stretcher for myself so I don't hit my head when I pass out?  It looks like the frickin' Texas Chainsaw Massacre in here - just send the frickin' nurse!! 

I don't know who that damn call button connected me to, but it wasn't the nurse's station.  About a minute later, there was still no nurse in the room and blood was still gushing, so I ran out into the hallway, and one of Pappaw's nurses was standing there at the nurse's station and had no idea anything was even wrong in our room.  Earlier in the night, the other nurse came in while Pappaw was sleeping soundly and asked me if he had to go to the bathroom.  "Umm, no, it looks like he's doing okay - thanks for checking."  Apparently someone had paged her and told her he needed her assistance in going to the bathroom.  In no way am I criticizing the nurses - I thought the night nurses I dealt with were fantastic - but there surely is something wrong with the call button system.  I think I'm going back tonight for more fun, but I think I'll just use the time-tested "walk to the nurse's station" system instead of relying on that stupid button that might as well have connected me to the Hardee's drive-thru.