Flight Blogging and Week 2 - Mississippi State

First of all, let me say that Glacier National Park is beautiful and, in general, we're having a good time on our vacation.   That being said, I think this may be the worst vacation ever because (1) approximately 24 hours after I got here, I developed a nasty cold that has made me feel like crap all the time; and (2) the flights to get here were Hell on earth.  The following is the blog I started writing while I was in the Minneapolis airport waiting on my second connecting flight this past Saturday:

So I started my fall vacation for real today.  By that, I mean I left Knoxville.  On a jet plane.  Flying to Boise via Atlanta and Minneapolis to meet up with my parents and Ben, who have been gone in my parents’ motor home for a week.  I should start by mentioning that I am not a good flyer.  And I HATE flying without Ben.  Ben’s racked up so much street cred with Delta they practically pay him to fly with them, in first class, checking as many bags as he wants to for free, etc.  When I fly with him, I also enjoy those perks.  Sadly, when I fly by myself, I am lower than low.  I’m talking final boarding zone low.  Sigh.

Anyway, as I mentioned in at least one previous post, I am extremely prone to motion sickness.  I used to REALLY hate to fly because I always got sick, and I never, ever want to throw up in front of a plane full of people.  HOLY CRAP – I’m sitting at the gate waiting on a flight right now, and a freaking BIRD just flew right past my head.  I am not kidding.  WHOA.  Anyway…

I have devised a system that allows me to fly relatively event-free.  I have “sea bands,” which are kind of like sweat bands that you wear on your wrists, and a little plastic ball inside presses down on a vein in your wrist to relieve nausea.  I’m a believer, people.  Unfortunately, however, they do not work miracles for me by themselves.  I also have to pop a Benadryl and drink a glass of wine.  Before every flight.  This allows me to go to sleep (sometimes before take-off – I’ve been known to wake up halfway through the flight and wonder why it’s taking so long to leave the gate) and just forget that I’m flying. 

For my first flight this morning, I followed my time-tested system; however, I apparently waited too late to take the Benadryl because it didn’t kick in before we arrived in Atlanta.  I was sick for the entire flight from TYS to ATL.  I mean, feeling like my body temp is 900 degrees, sweat pouring off my face sick.  It’s a short flight, but torture to sit like that for 45 minutes.  I kept willing myself not to throw up because, even though I’ve come close several times, I have never actually thrown up on a plane.  Plus, there was no barf bag in my seat pocket (I always check to make sure I know where it is, but I’m too embarrassed to ask for one if it’s not there).  Eventually, at the worst possible time, my will ran out.  I had to get up when the plane was on its final approach and run to the lavatory.  I’m talking wheels down, flaps up, flight attendant yelling at me to put on my seatbelt, afraid we were going to land while I was in there and I was going to fall and break something final approach.  Not much choice, though.  What a horrible flight.

I got to ATL and immediately popped another Benadryl because I had another flight in an hour.  I also got some lunch and a Diet Coke.  You may think I’m crazy for eating when my stomach is queasy, but if I get too hungry, my blood sugar gets low and I feel even worse, so I just had to take that chance.  Thankfully, I was feeling much better (and sleepier) by the time I got on my plane from ATL to MSP.  I did not get sick on that flight, but it was actually worse than the first flight, if you can believe that.

I had an aisle seat in a row of 3 seats.  Next to me was a guy who appeared to be in his mid-30s; and in the window seat was his son, who appeared to be about 3.  Before we taxied away from the gate, the guy switched seats with his son, which gave us all more room because there was now a little kid in the middle seat.  I was pleased.

I was not pleased, however, when the father went to sleep and his demon spawn proceeded to terrorize the entire plane.  That damn kid was climbing all over the seats, standing up in his seat and harassing the people in the rows behind and in front of us, lying down in the seat and kicking me, poking me with the corner of the book his father gave him (as if the little infidel could read), etc.  And yelling.  Loudly.  The entire time.  Dad just keeps on sleeping, though (or at least pretending he was sleeping so he didn't have to deal with his bastard child).  It was all I could do not to take matters into my own hands and beat the crap out of that child’s backside.  I kept praying that God would keep me from beating that child because I just knew his white trash Dad would sue me. 

Finally – last straw – the kid flogs me with his Elmo doll and kicks me – HARD – at the same time.  I grabbed that damn Elmo doll and turned to face the kid, gave him the patented Deb Newman death stare (if you know my Mom, you know this look well – if you don’t know her, it’s very similar to the look Pat Summitt gets when she’s mad at her team), and said (or growled), “You listen to me.  You need to sit down, be quiet, and leave me alone.  I am not putting up with this anymore.”  Dad does not wake up.  Or at least pretends not to wake up.  The kid crawls over next to Dad and starts wailing.  Little asshole.  I’m sure glad Dad got to sleep because I’m pretty sure no one else on the plane did. 

Now, for week two of SEC football: by the time I grabbed lunch in ATL, I only had 30 minutes before boarding my next flight, so I didn't want to pay for wifi coverage for 30 minutes.  Thus, I began "watching" the AU/MS St. game on my phone by constantly refreshing the ESPN game status page.  When I landed in MSP, I turned my phone on immediately after landing, and there were only 3 minutes left in the game.  Mississippi State was driving down the field (to the 1 yard line, no less) and almost came back to tie the game (or maybe win, if they went for a 2-point conversion).  I was having a heart attack with my "constant refresh" watching method until ESPN posted the final score and I could breathe again.  Geesh.  But at least it's a W, and the Vols got one, too.  Good day for football, not so much for flying.